%20Cropped%20for%20Email%20Sig%20(Final).png)
New Year energy is somewhat weird. One moment, we’re floating through the holiday haze, stuffing our faces guilt-free. The next, we’re inhaling “New Year, New Me” propaganda and setting up impossible expectations for ourselves.
If you're dazed by how January has flown by, with its shiny celebrations, grand ambitions… and equally grand crashes - Join the club.
I've been there - starring in my own personal drama of holiday excess meets January madness:
Holiday Me: Hibernating like a champion, hitting snooze until noon
January Me: "5 AM wake-ups or you're a failure at life!"
Holiday Me: Binge-watching shows until my brain turned to mush
January Me: "Meditation, workouts, AND reading before the sun shows up!”
Holiday Me: Treating my body like an all-you-can-eat buffet
January Me: "Two lettuce leaves and a lonely carrot stick shall be thy salvation!"
By day three, reality slapped me in the face. The pressure wasn't just unbearable - it was absurd.
Sounds familiar?
Let's break down what's happening here. Many of us start strong in January with:
Brains: The smarts to craft those perfect resolutions, plan out detailed schedules, design fancy habit trackers
Balls: The courage to declare ambitious goals, sign up for that gym membership, announce our plans to the world
And then…reality hits:
Fear of failure kicks in ("What if I can't keep this up?")
Identity resistance fights back ("This isn't who I am")
Change overload sets off alarms ("Too much, too fast")
This is what researchers call "Goals Gone Wild": the tendency to set unrealistic, rigid goals that overwhelm our emotional centres, hijack our self-control, and ultimately set us up to fail.
We think it’s the lack of discipline, but I dare say it’s the lack of EQ.
Here’s the brutal truth: When you suddenly switch from holiday mode to drill sergeant mode, your brain reads it as a threat in its security system.
We have good intentions, but we feel condemnation – triggering ourselves into a survival response: fight, flight, or forget those goals and grab a bucket of fried chicken.
Enter EQ: Your Next BFF – And the missing player in your 3rd B
Your emotional intelligence (EQ) is the missing link between knowing what to do and actually doing it. It's the difference between having a Ferrari and knowing how to drive it without derailing your journey.
What exactly is EQ? It's your ability to:
Recognize your emotions and what they're telling you
Manage these emotions instead of letting them manage you
Read others' emotional states (that client who says they're "fine" but ghosts you after)
Navigate relationships with influence & connection (without losing your mind)
Here's how to put EQ to work and finally make those changes stick:
🧠 Strategy 1: Read Your Emotional Dashboard
Research shows that 92% of resolutions fail—not because of poor planning, but often because we overlook our emotional patterns.
Remember that survival mode we talked about? That fight-flight-or-fried-chicken response? Here's the thing: It doesn't show up out of nowhere. There are always warning signs - if you know how to spot them.
Most of us can read profit and loss statements better than our own emotional states. We track steps, calories, and KPIs, but emotions? We treat them like unwanted guests at a party - either ignore them or wish they'd go away.
The cost? We keep triggering that survival response, wondering why we're stuck in the same cycle of ambitious starts and frustrated finishes.
Introducing: The Emotional Log.
Think of this as your personal energy GPS. Your emotions operate in four distinct zones that determine how you show up in life:
🔵 Zone 1: High Energy, Low Pleasure
Emotions such as: Rage, Terror, Grief
You're activated but not in a good way
Warning: Highway to destruction
🟢 Zone 2: High Energy, High Pleasure
Emotions such as: Love, Joy, Passion
Your peak performance state
You’re rolling but others might find you annoying
🟠 Zone 3: Low Energy, Low Pleasure
Emotions such as: Irritation, Fatigue, Sadness
Your body's way of saying "timeout"
Time to reset before the slide into existential crisis
🟣 Zone 4: Low Energy, High Pleasure
Emotions such as: Optimism, Peace, Contentment
A calm, focused state for planning and reflection
Where sustainable change begins
The Jazz: There is absolutely no right or wrong zone – we need a balance in all 4 zones because life isn’t a permanent high (or low).
When you know your emotional patterns, you can design your goals with them mind instead of fighting against them.
Map your emotions daily and then ask yourself after a week or 2:
1. Which zone are you camping in most of the time?
2. Which zone do you want to work towards for your goals?
3. What’s putting you in your zone?
4. What small shifts can move you towards your desired zone?
💪 Strategy 2: Give Yourself the Grace
Remember those January drill sergeant vibes we talked about? Here's a radical thought: What if the path to change isn't through self-punishment, but self-permission?
A. Allow Enough Time: Think of the first 2 months as your experimental lab, not your judgment court. Use the time to explore what actually works for you, without the pressure of getting everything perfect. (Because perfection is so passe)
B. Focus on Incremental Changes: Forget those massive resolutions that trigger your survival mode. Start with one change so small it feels almost ridiculous:
· A 10-minute morning stretch
· Three deep breaths before checking email
· One glass of water before coffee Small enough not to freak out your brain, big enough to build momentum.
C. Plan for Flexibility: Life happens. Meetings run long. Kids get sick. Instead of seeing these as "failures," design your goals to adapt:
· Morning meditation got interrupted? Catch it at lunch
· Journaling time vanished? Voice note it on your commute
Big wins come from small, compounding changes. The courage isn’t in jumping into the ocean without thought, but the discernment in starting small, staying the course and making steady progress.
🎯 Strategy 3: Ditch the Arbitrary Deadlines
Let's get sassy for a second:
We've created this collective delusion that the new year has magical powers. Like the stroke of midnight suddenly downloads a new operating system into our brains.
Spill: It's just another new moment with a fresh number slapped on it.
Your cells aren't waiting for January 1st to regenerate - why are you? Every single moment is an invitation for renewal. Whether it's:
A random Tuesday in January
A sunny morning in April
That Thursday afternoon when you finally had enough
Ready to break free? Here's your Permission Slip:
Permission to start now (yes, even mid-month)
Permission to mess up (because you will)
Permission to restart (as many times as it takes)
Catch yourself spiralling down the calendar trap:
Notice the Pressure: When you feel that "I must start on X date" anxiety
Question the Timeline: Ask "Why this specific date? What's driving this pressure?"
Choose Consciously: Instead of arbitrary deadlines, set milestones based on your readiness signals:
o Energy levels feel sustainable
o Basic routines are in place
o Support systems are ready
The Power Move: Track your readiness, not the calendar. Ask yourself:
1. What's my emotional state right now?
2. What small step feels doable today?
3. What support do I need to take that step?
Remember: It isn't about perfect timing - it's about consistent realignment.
Let's bring it home:
Your brain knows what to do
Your balls give you the courage to do it
But your EQ? That's what keeps you in the game for the long haul
The Bottom Line: Stop trying to strong-arm your way through change. Start playing the long game with emotional intelligence as your secret weapon.
Cheers.
This is Cindy Tien, EQ Maven, CSP - Empowering teams to Break through Blind Spots & Turn Hurdles into Hallmarks
🌟 Strengthen Connections
🌟 Conquer Challenges
🌟 Claim Their Messages
🔵 12yrs 🟢 80+ corporate clients 🔴 30k+ people
留言