The Social Blindspot Sales Teams Can't Afford

Ever wonder what could be sabotaging your sales efforts?

Picture this:

I delivered a 2-day seminar recently and met someone who was incredibly attractive. Let's call him, well... Brad.

• Hair immaculately styled. Suit so fine it could give the Parisians a run for their money.

• A smile like a superstar's, with teeth that could be the poster ad for Invisalign.

• Senior, polished, & eloquent - easily 20 years working in the biggest organizations globally, rubbing shoulders with high-net-worth clients.

Brad was nothing short of impressive. I'll admit, I was charmed in our morning meet.

First impressions? Flying colours.

But over the 2 days, my admiration took a nosedive.

Bite this:

• Cutting others off mid-sentence, to bring the spotlight back on himself

• Monopolizing the air space, again about his greatest hits

• Outright criticism of the food – I'm glad I wasn't the chef

Brad knew he had substance & confidence. But his behaviour & choice of words left many feeling on edge rather than inspired.

What I witnessed wasn't just in him sorely lack in SELF and SOCIAL awareness – it was a showcase of the exact blind spots that derail even the most experienced sales professionals:

Blind Spot #1: The "Know-It-All" Syndrome Years of experience morphed from asset to liability. So convinced of expertise, many sales professionals stop listening altogether. The consequence? People stop sharing valuable insights with them – the very intel that could give them an edge in client conversations.

Blind Spot #2: Transactional Questioning When sales teams do ask questions, they're often painfully surface-level, such as "What are your hobbies?" hoping to get an angle in without interest in going deeper. The consequence? They miss the deeper needs that drive real buying decisions, leaving money on the table with every interaction. Nothing beyond an order-taker conversation.

Blind Spot #3: Conversation Without Connection Many sales professionals can talk for hours, but never quite connect. They miss subtle cues, fail to acknowledge others' contributions, and leave people feeling unseen. The consequence? No one is eager for a follow-up conversation – the absolute killer of relationship-based sales.

My Own Blind Side

I recognize Brad because I used to be him. Not the perfectly coiffed hair or designer suit (I wish), but the social tone-deafness that cost me countless opportunities.

Early in my career, I was the walking embodiment of confidence and experience. Product specs? Memorized. Value proposition? I could recite it in my sleep. But despite closing some deals, I wasn’t getting promoted nor gaining any client referrals or loyalty.

A mentor finally called me out: "You know your stuff and you’ve been around, but you have no idea what's happening on the other side of the table."

He was right. I'd mastered the art of pitching but failed at the science of connecting – constantly missing subtle signals that would have led to deeper relationships and bigger contracts.

Beyond EQ: The Social Intelligence Factor

We've all heard about Emotional Intelligence (EQ) – the ability to recognize emotions in ourselves and others. But there's something even more critical for sales success: Social Intelligence (SQ).

While EQ helps us identify feelings, SQ determines how we navigate those emotions in relationship contexts. It's the difference between:

• Recognizing someone is frustrated (EQ)

• AND knowing exactly how to respond to turn that frustration into trust (SQ)

• Sensing someone is hesitant about a purchase (EQ)

• AND intuitively knowing what specific reassurance they need to move forward (SQ)

Think of EQ as recognizing emotional weather patterns, while SQ is knowing exactly when to bring an umbrella, offer a jacket, or suggest moving the conversation indoors.

The impact on business results is undeniable:

• Harvard Business Review research reveals emotionally connected customers are more than twice as valuable as highly satisfied customers

• Gartner's studies show sales professionals who connect personally with prospects are 62% more likely to close high-quality, low-regret deals

• LinkedIn's State of Sales Report found that 89% of top sales professionals say building relationships and trust is the most important factor in closing deals

The research is clear: customers make decisions based on how they feel about themselves in your presence, not just how they feel about your products.

So how do we build this critical intelligence in ourselves and our teams?

Enter The Art of Conversations

Most sales conversations suck. Your prospect is checking emails while your rep rambles about "innovative solutions" nobody asked for.

One way to build social intelligence? Actually care about the conversation you're having. Revolutionary, I know.

The harsh truth: Most salespeople talk at prospects, not with them. They're not conversing—they're broadcasting.

Let's get honest about where your attention goes during conversations. One question to ask yourself could be: When someone interacts with me, what emotional impact do I leave on them?

 Start to notice what is your Focus in an interaction and here are the 4 possible areas:

1.      How You Feel About Yourself: We all start here—checking in with our confidence, comfort, & self-perception. It’s natural, but if we stay here, we risk being absorbed in our own experience & focusing only on ourselves.

2.     How You Feel About Them: Next, we size up the other person. Do I find them interesting? Trustworthy? Annoying? It’s an important stage, but if this is where we stop, we’re still only scratching the surface of real connection.

3.     How They Feel About You: Here’s where most people aim: Am I impressing them? Do they laugh at my jokes? It’s a powerful focus, but also a trap if it’s only about getting admiration.

4.     How They Feel About Themselves: This is the ultimate impact. When someone leaves a conversation feeling a little more confident, valued, or inspired about themselves because of you, that’s real influence.

I suspect that Brad missed this 4th focus. It’s why his charm faded fast.

Reflect - Which zone of focus are you naturally inclined to be? Why?

The 3 Keys to Connecting in Conversations

Key #1: Be Interested

Imagine this – You’re meeting a prospect for the first time in his office in town. It’s a Friday afternoon. How would start to connect before going into sales talk?

Most prospects can smell a fake interest from a mile away. "How was your weekend?" feels very different when someone is actually listening versus waiting to pounce with their pitch. Ask appropriate questions to show your interest before building momentum to get to the next level.

Level 1: Small Talk

Yes, the dreaded small talk. Roll your eyes if you must, but it’s the handshake of conversations. You wouldn’t propose on the first date, right? Start light to break the ice —it doesn’t have to be long.

Try these:

• “Have you had lunch yet? I heard there are quite a number of food options nearby.”

• “What a great area —how long have you been working here?”

• “Such a beautiful view – do you come into the office everyday?”

👉 Keep it real. If you don’t care about the weather, don’t ask about it. Choose something situational and sincere. The goal isn’t to impress—it’s to connect.

Level 2: Fact Disclosure

This is your “getting-to-know-you” phase. Share neutral facts about yourself—your job, interests, or hometown. Build common ground & signal openness.

Try these:

• “What do you usually enjoy eating around here?”

• “I hope you’re glad it’s Friday, how was the week for you?”

• “What do you usually do over the weekends?

👉 This is about getting them to disclose bits of themselves bit by bit while you do the same too. Be curious, not clinical.

Level 3: Viewpoints & Opinions

Here’s where it gets spicy. You’ve warmed up the room—now it’s time to exchange thoughts. This could be about the industry, a recent headline, or even that movie everyone’s been raving about.

Try these:

• “I’ve been hearing a lot about [industry shift] lately—what’s your take on it?”

• “Have you noticed any big shifts in how your clients are buying this year?”

• “Everyone seems to have an opinion on [insert relevant news or viral topic]—have you come across it?”

👉 At this stage, you’re not debating. You’re inviting. The goal is to signal, “Hey, I value your perspective.”

Level 4: Personal Feelings & Agenda

This is where the real connection happens. If there’s enough trust built, the conversation can shift into personal reflections, emotions about work, or even what they’re hoping to get out of the meeting.

Try these:

• “I really appreciate you taking the time to meet me today despite your busy schedule. Would it be okay if I ask you a few questions to better understand your needs?”

• “Sounds like your team has been under a lot of pressure – how can I best help and support you in this [specific area]?

• “I know time is tight, so if there’s one thing I can make this conversation valuable for you, what would that be?”

👉 The goal here isn’t to “close”—it’s to connect. You’ve earned the space to ask real questions. Now use it with care.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

• Jumping straight to sales talk (Level 4) with zero rapport. You skipped the warm-up, and now it just feels... pushy.

• Hovering at small talk for too long. If you're still talking about lunch options 15 minutes in, you're stalling. Move it along.

• Moving too fast or too slow. It’s not about speed—it’s about rhythm. Force it, and it gets awkward. Drag it, and it gets dull.

Remember - Nothing is set in stone. Tune into your social antenna to sense when to linger on or when to hop forward.

Key #2: Be Engaging

You’ve met them before.

The ones who talk way too much—monologuing through the entire meeting like it’s their personal TED Talk. And then there’s the opposite—the ones who respond with one-word answers and leave you doing conversational gymnastics just to keep things alive.

Both leave you drained.

Because conversations aren't interviews. They’re not solo speeches either. They’re a dance. And to dance well, you need rhythm, give-and-take, and… presence.

Being engaging isn’t about having the gift of the gab or throwing in jokes just to keep things “fun.”It’s about showing up—not just with questions, but with substance. With stories. With opinions. With your actual voice.

When someone is truly engaging, they don’t just ask good questions—they also know when to share a thoughtful insight or a relatable point. They create energy in the room, not just extract information.

🎾 The ASA Technique: Rolling the Conversation

Just like in tennis, great conversations aren’t won in a single shot. They’re rallies—a back-and-forth rhythm that keeps the energy alive.

When someone shares something, most people either nod politely (then freeze)… Or they pounce with a follow-up question, skipping any real connection.

Enter the ASA technique—your go-to move to keep conversations natural, engaging, and human.

🔹 Example 1: A Workload Whine

Someone says: “Argh. I’ve been swamped with meetings all day.” Respond with ASA:

• Acknowledge: “Wow, sounds like a hectic day for you.”

• Share: “Back-to-back meetings can be exhausting. I try to limit mine to three a day, tops.”

• Ask: “Were any of your meetings helpful in moving your projects forward?”

👉 Common misstep: Many skip the “share” step—so the conversation feels like a Q&A instead of a real moment.

🔹 Example 2: A Personal Celebration

They say: “I’m going to Koh Samui to celebrate my 10th year anniversary!” You respond:

• Acknowledge: “10 years? Congratulations! That sounds like a beautiful way to celebrate.”

• Share: “I haven’t been to Koh Samui, but I do love Thai food—especially the seafood in Krabi!”

• Ask: “What are you most looking forward to on the trip?”

✨ Pro Tip: Match their energy. If they’re excited, show it. A deadpan “Nice.” will kill the moment faster than airplane mode on a Zoom call.

🔹 Example 3: A Client Milestone

Your client says: “We’ve just wrapped up a major project that’s taken months to deliver.” Try this:

• Acknowledge: “That must feel like a huge milestone. Congrats on getting it across the line!”

• Share: “One of my other clients just finished a big launch too—they were exhausted, but also really proud of what they pulled off.”

• Ask: “What was the biggest learning for you and your team from the whole process?”

✨ Pro Tip: Empathy + insight = trust. That’s how you shift from just another vendor to a valued partner.

To engage well, you don’t need to be flashy—you just need to show up fully. That means listening with intent, responding with relevance, and contributing with confidence.

Whether it’s a colleague mentioning their vacation, or a client wrapping a big project, your ability to tune in and respond with empathy + insight is what transforms small talk into strong rapport.

Key #3: Be Generous

Have you ever left a conversation feeling fed—not just heard, but nourished?

Like something in you just softened. Your energy lifted. And you walked away thinking, “That was unexpectedly wonderful. I wish we had more time.”

Those are the conversations that linger. The ones that refill your emotional cup instead of draining it.

And chances are, it’s not because the other person was charismatic, brilliant, or smooth. It’s because they were generous.

Generous with their attention. Generous with their presence. Generous with what I call the essential human gifts—the things we all crave but rarely get in everyday conversations.

That’s where the Human Gifts in Conversations come in. I call it the ACES framework.

♠️ The ACES Framework: 4 Human Gifts That Leave a Lasting Impact

Think of these as emotional currency. The kind that builds connection, trust, and resonance.

🔹 A – Appreciation: The Gift of Being Seen

Not flattery. Not a generic “great job.” It’s real recognition—for who they are, not just what they do.

Sounds like:

“I really admire how you handled that difficult client. The way you stayed calm and clear under pressure? That’s rare.”

“You always have a way of making complex ideas sound simple—I noticed that in the meeting earlier.”

✨ People don’t remember your pitch. They remember how you made them feel seen.

🔹 C – Connection: The Gift of Belonging

It’s the subtle “me too” that makes someone feel less alone. It’s the invisible thread that says, we get each other.

Sounds like:

“You love hiking? Same here—I just came back from Hokkaido. Got a favourite trail?”

“Ah, remote work struggles. I hear you. It took me months to stop working in pyjamas.”

✨ Shared humanity. Not just small talk. That’s what makes rapport real.

🔹 E – Encouragement: The Gift of Belief

It’s what you say when someone is stretched thin and needs a reminder of their strength. Not toxic positivity. Not “You’ll be fine.” But presence. Support. Belief.

“This looks like a beast of a project, but I’ve seen how you operate under pressure—you’ve got this.”

“You’ve come so far. Even if you don’t see it yet, the growth is already happening.”

✨ Your words can be the fuel someone needs to keep going.

🔹 S – Spark: The Gift of Insight

This is where you bring the gold— a perspective, a tool, a resource that lights something up.

Sounds like:

“The best book I’ve read on public speaking is ‘Talk Like TED’. If you’re looking to improve your storytelling and structure—go check it out. Game-changer.”

“When it comes to confidence in networking, the best thing I ever did was join a community of people who genuinely wanted to grow and contribute in the same way as I did. Conversations flowed easily as we were like-minded people trying to connect”

✨ Spark isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about offering something that expands their world—even by 5%.

🔚 Wrapping It Up

Here’s the thing—conversations aren’t just a “soft skill.”

They’re the real currency of influence.

You can have the best pitch deck in town, but if your sales team can’t connect, they’ll be walking into meetings being seen as order-takers and leaving with… emptiness.

So here’s your permission slip: ✨ Stop obsessing over scripts. ✨ Start focusing on social intelligence. ✨ And build your team’s conversational skills before it costs you another deal.

🚀 Ready to step on the Social Intelligence of your Sales Teams?

Whether you’re looking for a keynote that slaps, a masterclass that motivates, or a workshop that wakes your sales team up without needing caffeine—I’ve got you.

Let’s talk.

📩 Slide into my DMs or reach out directly for bookings. Your next-level sales conversations are one message away.

This is Cindy Tien, EQ Maven, CSP - Empowering teams to Break through Blind Spots & Turn Hurdles into Hallmarks.

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 🔵 12yrs  🟢 80+ corporate clients  🔴 30k+ people