Why Do Even the Smartest People Struggle to Communicate

In this newsletter, we are picking out gems from my Own Your BS episode recorded with Marianna Pascal  - the gloriously direct, wickedly funny, and wildly wise—TEDx speaker, former actress, and queen of communication clarity.

Now here’s the spicy question we asked:

Why do some of the smartest people in the room… fall apart when it’s time to speak?

The answer? It’s not IQ. It’s not your accent. It’s not how many big words you use.

It’s this: You’re in your head instead of in the room.

Marianna and I went deep into the real reasons people choke, shrink, or confuse when they speak.

Fun fact:  Even Einstein needed his wife to 'translate' his brilliant ideas into something others could understand!

Now, let’s sink our teeth into some fleshy bites.

Tip 1: Just because it’s clear in your head doesn’t mean it’s clear to others.

We assume people understand what we mean because we understand it ourselves. But what’s obvious to you may be confusing to others.

✅ Check for clarity by pausing, summarizing, and asking, “Does that make sense to you?” If not,

reframe it in their language.

If they didn’t understand you, you didn’t communicate. You just made noise.

Tip 2: Simplicity beats sophistication

You don’t need to sound “smart.” You need to be heard. The fewer your words, the clearer your point.

Many feel insecure about their language skills or vocabulary. But trying to sound clever often backfires.

✅ Use simple, visual, conversational language. The goal is not to impress—but to connect.

Speak human, not perfect. Choose Clarity over Complexity.

Tip 3: Emotions hijack your brain—and your clarity.

When fear kicks in, your brain scrambles. You talk too fast, overexplain, or completely freeze. That’s not bad communication—it’s an emotional hijack.

✅ Notice your emotional state before you speak. Pause. Breathe. Speak slower than you feel

Before you manage your message, manage your emotions.

Tip 4: Use what you have. Give what you’ve got. Partial is powerful.

Many people freeze or downplay themselves when they don’t have 100% of the answer—so they say nothing. 

✅  You don’t need the perfect answer. You just need to offer what you do know. Even eggs and milk can make a meal—don’t focus on what’s missing in the fridge.

Your perspective is enough. Speak from where you are.

Tip 5: Fear of blame leads to unnecessary backstory.

When asked how to solve a problem, most people start with why it went wrong. Not because it helps—but because they want to dodge blame. Defensiveness derails communication and steals your leadership presence.

✅ Acknowledge the past only if it’s essential. Otherwise, shift straight into the solution or next step.

Drop the blame game—own the way forward.

Tip 6: Time pressure kills connection

Speed doesn’t equal impact. When you race to speak and say things without the other party being ready – you lose the person.

✅  Allow people the space and time to absorb your message. Take them through an audience journey. We are not ChatGPT.

Don’t just speak quickly. Lead and guide through the message meaningfully.

Tip 7: Set the table before serving the meal.

Imagine trying to announce bad news, or share a major piece of announcement. Rather than going straight into the message, consider how you can set the context or prepare the other party’s state of mind and emotions.

✅ Context creates clarity. Start by framing what you’re going to say. As simple as “There’s something important I want to share with you ….. Is this a good time …?

Before your words land, lay out the plate.

Tip 8: Focus on what they need to receive, not what you want to say.

When we obsess about how we look or sound, we lose connection. We become self-conscious

instead of others-conscious.

✅ Shift attention outward. Think about what they need to hear, not how you need to sound.

It’s not about sounding good. It’s about being received.

The Wrap:

Communicating well is not a personality trait. It’s choosing intention over instinct. Connection over cleverness.

And seriously - what’s the point of sounding smart if no one gets you?

This episode was packed with juicy insights, laugh-out-loud moments, and liberating truths for anyone who’s ever choked, rambled, or wanted to crawl under the table mid-sentence.

Thank you, Marianna, for being my co-host in this insightful episode.

Now go forth, my friends - speak like you mean it, keep it human, and set the damn table before you serve the feast.

This is Cindy Tien, EQ Maven, CSP - Empowering teams to Break through Blind Spots & Turn Hurdles into Hallmarks.

🌟 Strengthen Connections

🌟 Conquer Challenges

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 🔵 12yrs  🟢 80+ corporate clients  🔴 30k+ people